I want to remember everything.

bad dreams

when i wake up in the morning and you’re already gone, and it makes my bad dreams seem much worse. i’m not sure why i can’t stop this bad feeling. they’re in my conscious and subconscious thoughts. even when i’m doing something that’s suppose to make me happy, i let myself become engulfed in the bad thoughts and ruin what could have been a very special moment. this isn’t suppose to be depressing by any means, i’m not depressed. just wondering why my mind allows itself to always wonder in a dark place, when my heart’s in the happiest of places. under the influence, i constantly double check everything i do, afraid of messing up. i try so hard to be what i think that you deserve that i lose myself and my positive thinking in the process. so how is that fixed? what can i do to make us both happy? talking to someone at night is always different than talking to them during the day. you stopped talking to me at night. so far i’ve been the one who’s always so sure of this feeling. i’ve been the one to reassure you, to let you know it’s okay to be afraid. but all along i’ve been afraid. and it gets worse everyday. but i know you can’t really comfort me, you can’t comfort yourself. what can i do to make you feel safe? the second i figure it out, i know that i’ll feel safe, too.